of being empty, of being alone

sometimes to be empty is better than to be full. emptiness creates a desire to have something more. it opens the palm of one's hand to signify willingness to receive something. a full glass, no matter how much one tries to pour water in, will only make the water overflow and be wasted. a conceited brain never wants to accept new ideas. an overconfident heart never longs to have someone come to reside in its abode.

emptiness creates a drive to strive harder. emptiness breeds patience. however, to be empty, if not properly abated, is to feel being unwanted. thus, emptiness, if not guarded, leads to death. what do we do when we feel empty and inappropiately address that emptiness? we struggle more to earn more, yet we only end up being empty because there is always an insatiable want to look for something else. and we exert forced efforts to belong but only end up being empty because there are always rejections and casting out.

but like the empty bench and the empty bike, if you just let it be, to be empty is to invite someone to come to you, to encourage someone to take you to a nice biking holiday. to empty your mind and to empty your heart, if you just let it be, is to be willing to embrace new ideas, to be willing to invite someone to fill the void within. and in this case, if you are inviting someone, i suggest you invite Jesus too to come into your heart.

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sometimes to be alone is better than to be in a crowd. to be with oneself is better than to be with others. have you tried being in shinjuku eki where there are throngs of people you rub elbows with but still you feel like you are alone and unnoticed?

to be alone doesn't necessarily mean to be lonely. although to be alone, if not guarded, leads to depression, thus can also lead to death.

but to be alone, if taken appropriately, encourages one to reflect, to meditate. it leads one to redirect, if necessary, his priorities. it gives one the opportunity to siphon the essentials from the nonessentials. it brings him back to the basics. it simplifies. and most importantly, it turns him to find a greater sense of fellowship, of belongingness - it turns him to believe that he plus God is already a majority.

like the house standing on its own posts, its being alone only adds up to the wonders of its surrounding. and like the man standing on his own feet, his being alone only builds up his confidence that as the sun will set, so tomorrow it shall again rise.

"be still and know that He is God."(psalm 46:10)

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good night now. i will travel and sleep in my old baby crib tomorrow, then to tokyo on thursday. be back on sunday. til then.

v-day

hidden park in urasa during spring, may 1, 2005

before the v day
where was i yesterday? after church, i decided to take my bicycle and explore the sleeping city called urasa (better call it that way than minami uonuma city; the former is tongue friendly). and the pictures show what i discovered. lies beneath its seemingly void of human activity and interaction is a hidden haven of rest. i saw a family playing together, lovers walking alongside the lake, a lone man reading his books, and some groups taking pictures. this place is really designed for those who are tired of city scapes and the hypocrisy of a city life. ain't i glad i came to this place? yes to the question, but still no to iuj education.

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during spring, may 2, 2005

after the v day
where was i today? just right after i submitted my thesis, i treated myself a luxurious trip to supa. meaning, i bought an ice cream and nothing more. (more luxurious trip for me is simply going to supa and buy nothing.) went back to my room, pampered myself with an afternoon sleep. i woke up at 5:30pm and was greeted by an afternoon sun which was still very up. great day for biking and picture taking, i thought. so off i went to the tree (upper right hand corner of the photocollage) ive been longing to photograph. (thanks to leah who informed me this tree changes colors during autumn.) and the pictures show what i discovered. i saw more things aside from the tree. the tranquility of the place brought me back to the good old days. i realized i was free more than i ever thought i was. i have the luxury of time. i was praising God of the idea that it was me and Him together now in this "flight fright, flight fight." isn't this a wonderful experience? yes to the question, and i am coming to terms now with the idea that it must always be Him and me, together, wherever, whatever, whenever.

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(postnote: on my way back, i met this japanese acquaintance of mine who invited me to a dinner together with 2 mongolian ladies. one is my good friend. i just parked my bike, hopped in to his car and we went to the mountain of hakkai, literally into the woods where a sumptuous sukiyaki dinner was waiting for us in a lone house by the river. blurp! i call it really a day.)

sidewalk tulips

in urasa sidewalk. may 1&2, 2005

tulips for my miss. this kind is significant to me. they sent me once heavenward and who knows what will this bring me in the near future.

they are everywhere, more particularly in sidewalk. i've always been right to believe in the wonders of the street, in the beauty of the sidewalk. there is life in there, there is vibrance, there is celebration, there is color, there is freedom.

not all things beautiful are confined in the rooms of pharaos or in the palaces of the kings.