more than words can say

going away

i oftentimes dreamed i was going away, but after receiving a txt msg from a friend one morning, i found myself in deep realization that no, i am not going away, and that i am now left alone.

the txt read: she has now tendered her resignation effective in one month. she will soon leave for the states (or txt to this effect).

i was speechless for a moment. why now? why her? other than her, all have now left to the other side of the pasture. and literally, yes, i am now left alone. the speechlessness was more because i am left alone than of them going away.

why are they going away? answers could vary from the simple to the complicated. now it dawned on me there must be something here that pushes them away. each one has his own reason of leaving. simple or complicated, that doesn't matter anymore. the fact is they have left, and are leaving.

so this boils down to me being left alone. shall i hold on to my dear philippines? shall i blind myself from the clamor of the greener pastures on the other side of the fence? but what if where i am now is greener than i thought? what if their stories, untold, speak of struggles in the rat race?

ambot. mauli la anay ako ha balay.

NEO Journey

i have watched the matrix trilogy, but never really had an understanding of it. except for the few days past when a video clip - part of the matrix movie - was used as a visual aid in the discussion on paradigm shift and transformational leadership during our national coaches training on the orientation course for the newly elected officials in los banos. a day after this training, i became part of the training management conducting the same thing to our provincial coaches from regions 6, 7 and 8 in cebu. this sort of echo training made me understood more the essence of that particular video clip. came the training for our field officers in our respective regions where we used again this material. the clip was all the more getting appreciated as we played it from one venue to another. now, my hands are full as most of our field offices invite me to be their resource person on this particular module on the conduct of the real orientation course. my hands are full in giving meaning to this clip, each discussion paved way for a deeper understanding of the message of that video clip.



and what is the video clip all about? and why, of all clips, this clip? first, here is a backgrounder to answer the why. we will tackle the dialogue of the clip, second.



NEO stands for newly elected officials. the term, perhaps an afterthought, refers also to the name of the main protagonist of the matrix movie. the framework of the orientation course for NEO (which the character in the movie exactly describes the general apprehension of our newly elected officials) focuses on the 4 S's (written down as 4's), and forms part of the ladder from from 2007-2010, one term for the elected officials, aptly termed as the NEO Journey. one s is one module about knowing the State of local governance. this module presents the situation of the local government unit, the jurisdiction of the NEO, i mean, officials. right after this, the discussion on knowing one self which tackles the leadership skills of the officials. the journey steps up to discuss the strategies or the future roadmap for development of the local government. and finally, (i forgot na).

(i can't finish. i will just publish this to remind me that i had once attempted to write about my insights of the work i handle... tinamad na, nakalimutan...bahala na si batman.)

noise of my hometown

biliran mountains

not so much of the place but of my childhood that i certainly feel nostalgic about when i visited my hometown very recently. fast rewind to twenty-five years past when i was very young, active, playful. we owned the street infront of our house from afternoon to late night, specially when the moon was up. i was usually the leader of one team playing patintero, hide and seek, and name the game, we played it. ours had very difficult game rules. it was more combative but fun nonetheless. even the hide and seek required the whole town as our playground, running to the mountain, to the cemetery, and yes to the beaches where we usually frolic after or before the game. the place we didnt take notice of, but the childhood lingers in all memories.



biliran beaches

twenty years hence, and almost 2 years of not coming back, i went home to see the place. i still got to see the beaches all around but i knew i was looking for something else. the only difference now is that i take notice of the place, take pictures of it, but i could no longer capture the noise and the laughter of the children who used to play around.

the place today, devoid of laughters, brings ooohhs and ahhhs. maybe because i feel i am no longer a part of it, but only a spectator of this natural exhibit. or maybe because as i age, i took another level of point of view. i tell you, i really have never seen my hometown as beautiful as this. as a child, you only take part of the game; as an adult, you now see things around as more than just a game.



tinago falls in biliran

bulan

moonlight sonata

if the sun fascinates me of its shining glory that is new every morning, giving hope to the tired soul, the moon calms me of its stillness in the midst of darkness and its reflection of something glorious. the moon offers itself as a vessel of something better, thus shining on its own in the process.

the moon waits. the moon gives. the moon reflects. that is the moonlight sonata.

fresh-ial expressions

i am all smile, all embrace as i welcome her into my world. such a joyous celebration!

flowers for my nanay

as the earth would have it, these are flowers that were never meant to be given.
as the wind would have it, the gesture of appreciating nanay was tossed to nowhere.
may nanay feel in her heart that one soul down here had in one time fondly thought of her
on mother's day. i love you, ma.

3 takes

take 1. 10-second pose. oooops father was covered, ooooops serge covered.

take 2. timer started. ooh glen was hidden.

take 3. click!

with whatever household props our hands held onto, the best shot of the century was taken inside the small house in san jose. even our dog, serge, strikes a model pose, as if he listened to the directives. it took 3 takes to capture the natural, the fun, the memory of a lifetime. all happened in 10 seconds, one night, when father came to visit us.

bagong bukangliwayway*

*new sunrise

waking up early drags me since i was born (isip ko lang). i am not an early riser, though waking up at 7am is already late for me. that means, i usually wake up between 6 and 7am. waking up at 5am is a no-no for me. usually i feel like losing my appetite if i force myself to be awake earlier than my usual schedule. and feel like killing all moods if i wake up later than that.

ahem, actually the story above is supposed to be in past tense. the waking up between 6 and 7 am was a thing in the past, when the viruses in my body were still young and vibrant. biological clock of the teens, to include the twenteens, clicks late. otherwise, the ageing era of today could not have witnessed such new sunrise when the east opens its rays at past 5 in the morning.

this only leaves me something. to age is actually to venture into a wonderland. to age is actually to witness the morning glory of the east. simply put, to age is to shine.

so today i wake up anytime. i am not bothered. specially if what awakens me is the promise that the sun will rise new every morning.

pirated jumong, prison break, etc

pirated dvd collections

is it in the filipino psyche to accept and promote anything pirated?

after collecting these korean, japanese, fox television serials, i become an accomplice to the crime of filipino psyche, if ever this thing is a crime.

more days than one, morning dialogues in the office beat around jumong, prison break, full house, stairway to heaven, a rosy life, princess hours, jewel in the palace, etc.

example:

mama: my daugher is now complaining i am always watching tv. so i told them, here, you buy bigbang in the store.
daughter: but mama you told me it's not good for my teeth.
mama: no, it is not true. go, buy.
another mama: what i did was to scatter lots of coins on the floor and told my children to pick them up.

why these serials seem to be addicting all of us? one dvd, the pirated one, runs around 16 to 26 hours. i was absent a couple of times just to watch them. one officemate professed the time she was absent was because she watched jumong. another watched til midnight, woke up at 5am to watch again, and was late for work.

i am not talking here of the morality of piracy, nor the popcorn sales of these pirated dvds. i am just simply telling a story of how this captures us, and makes us live once again to the challenge of making the mundane extraordinary.

this gives us a better version of ourselves, of our lives, of our work, of our workplace. will this justify if by now we are an accomplice of this filipino psyche?

mabuhay ka jumong! mabuhay ka scofield!

dirty ice cream

ice cream peddler, airport road

all children's favorite, especially if one lives in the barrio.
when i was young, this was the end-all-be-all of my existence.
the sound of its bell, salivated the ones who heard.
but why we bought even if it was called dirty?
that's child's wonders.
i was not sure why it was called dirty ice cream.
maybe because the process was so raw unlike the boxed ones?
maybe because in the process sweat and all were also mixed?
maybe because it was sold in the street?
all i know was that it is an ice cream.

to be naughty sometimes

actual scenes

pardon me but i had, we had, tresspassed the private world of these two human beings who are probably more in lust than in love. my office's location is privy for such a vouyeuristic tendency. so pardon, too, the office which just happens to be a philippine agency located on top of a hill in a philippine soil, which side, below it, is a public park called, of all names, madonna of japan. the place known for aborted fetus, haven for cheap rest, cheap date and quick sex.

this happened 12noon past when we were about to take our lunch break from an official boredom. the heat of the sun probably contributed to the rise of hormonal temperature. not just of the two lusters, er, lovers, but as well that of the lunch breakers. succeeding scenes need not be told. suffice it to say, all of us had a great time, if only for the fun of it.

gotcha!

faxed telegram

actual communication received by an office

yesterday in the office, one employee of another office approached and requested me to give a telegram for transmission to our record officer who was not present. she came personally with the following conversation (translated in english for the inter-nationals):

lady: is mrs. j around?
me: oh she is in a conference.
lady: can u just give this telegram for transmission to her?
me: sure.
lady: actually we wanted this faxed, since your fax line is busy, i decided to deliver it personally.
me: ah ok...
lady: thanks.

when she left, the following conversation occured:

me: here's a telegram for transmission. i just imagine how the phone conversation be like if she had connected to the telephone line.
officemate: like, riinnnnng, rinnnng, riiiinnnng.
me: (name of my office), hello!
officemate: this is mrs. (her name), of (name of her office). we have a telegram for transmission, FAX tone, please.
me: huh?

no further entry.

to tisha's nanay with love

http://tishapia.blogspot.com/2007/05/to-nanay-with-love.html

happy mother's day to my nanay.

celebration & fellowship

for whatever reason, celebrate;

celebration inthe
house, birthdays,
christmas, and
what-have-you

whenever, wherever, fellowship.

fellowship for those

who have something in common,

in the house, in city hall, balyuan, name it,

by day, by night,

rainy, sunny

autumn in summer

yes you read it right. there is autumn in summer, and there is autumn in the philippines. autumn in summer onli hapens in da pilipins. really, unique country. unique characteristics. that includes autumn of solid wastes (take a closer look of the picture, there is a presence of nonbiodegradable materials in there). either you look at it as beauty in chaos and wastes, or there is waste in beauty. onli in da pilipins the pessimists and the optimists work well together. i call that uniqueness. i call that autumn in summer. whew!

nanay ko

i wonder what they were thinking when they thought of this theme...

after not voting, friends came by

friends from cebu and palo came by my house to laugh. yes, the purpose was to laugh. i am not sure if they too were tired of election, they voted yes, but surely for me it was a relief after not voting this election.

ban2t and rman are the two most wonderful company i ever have these days, not to mention i've been blessed with such friendship since years and years ago. the magic is there, the magic to laugh. our ability to laugh is actually a gift, because one word is enough to keep the ball rolling. since we are all working now, things have changed in as far as the frequency of our fellowship is concerned.

their visit was highlighted with pinasugbo, a pasalubong brought by arman from cebu. it was more of a gesture of hey i am home than of fondness for pinasugbo. in fact ban2t did not eat that, but i had a good time having pinasugbo all by myself. that is actually my favorite, especially if it is iloilo made.

the afternoon visit brought us to the airport to watch the airplane land and fly. of course, we made fun of the flying and landing, and made up stories of passengers walking by, finally home. (ang probably laughing too that they are now finally home.)

dinner was served earlier, thanks to gemma, my niece, who really now has improved a lot in her cooking skills. we ended up in jose karlos for a wonderful after-dinner coffee, though that did not make us coffee addicts.

ban2t parted ways at 10pm past. rman and i, while waiting for a jeepney going home, talked to our hearts content until 2:30am, in the corner, in a sidewalk. i observed that one san jose jeep passed by us for already 5 times before we finally boarded and called it a night.

i will miss such companionship. in fact, we already missed one companion who is now in thailand. we missed ate nila in pep talks and pep laughs such as the one we just have had.

life goes on.

to not vote

a friend who is a high school graduate from rural Philippines told me that it is punishable by law if I do not vote. I told him it is one’s right to vote, and it’s not compulsory. He insisted that I would be imprisoned if I do not vote. I needed not argue. Come election time, I did not cast my vote. Of course, I was not imprisoned.

There are 2 reasons why I did not vote. It is not a question of me no longer believing in this democratic right, but primary reason is that I no longer believe in the people who will be installed as a result of this democratic right. Same people with same promises, nothing has improved and nothing has changed in this exercise. i need not elaborate, newspapers all over say it all and say it clear. this is politics, and no one should attempt to understand it.

the second reason is more likable, though frustrating on my part. a day before election, i decided to go home to vote. i imagined a 5 hour rough ride to my old hometown that never really wakes up from slumber. maybe i could make a difference in exercising my right. after buying flowers for my mom (mothers day entry is in the making), and running after time, i was just on time to arrive in the new bus terminal to catch for the 11:30am trip home. after waiting for 2 hours, i wondered if i was really on time. so i called home and asked for the sked. able to contact the driver, he told me they left an hour earlier because they just left earlier. just like that. a sunday at that, no more other means of going home, no more other means of voting at home. why would i spend more in buying a car just to be home to vote? no way, i just said i am not voting with finality, and later to decide to go home some other time, not to vote but to relax. and so i did not go home. and i did not vote. i regret of one thing though, that is, not able to give my flowers for mom on mother's day.

three days after election, with all the news i have heard, to not vote was the best democratic exercise i have ever done for my country. i ended watching tv for the past few days.

postnotes on posting*

*i'd like everyone who reads this to know that i made the layout of my postings for today in my home using adobe photoshop, better than picasso but more complicated, over a cup of milk, until 2:35 am this morning. i made this my career, better than my actual profession. saved it in cd, which i had a problem burning but managed to burn anyway using whatever cd was there in my cabinet. woke up excited today, came to office also excited but was piped down when i had one program proposal to write for a german development institution. finished the proposal by 12:00 noon, the excitement of blogging pushing my mind to work so fast. after lunch, back to the computer which by the way is owned by everyone in my division, only that i had to write that proposal plus the fact that i am more IT literate than the rest of the gang, so i got the privilege of being left alone while they are just beside me talking whatever. so i blogged, feeling no tiredness at all. and i blogged all four today. what a day, so worth it all, so productive.

(and by the way, after i had these all posted, somebody supplied 2 gallons of rocky road and ube ice cream plus hot everlasting bread bought in quality bakeshop. whew!)

sohoton*

*sohoton, in the context of caving, could mean spelunking. the cave got so many passageways such that if no tourguide around, one would be lost in the maze of sohoton.

sohoton cave is located in basey, samar. not sure of its area, but i am sure of this: it is accessible to anyone at anytime except at exactly 12:00 noon. why so? i'd leave it to the guide to tell.

my digital camera run out of batteries by the time we visited sohoton. and joel's cam, too. though joel's mobile is worth more than 30thou in its first release, but mine proved better as an alternative gadget to take pictures. so my mobile served more useful than his in that very unlikely situation. and it is way cheaper than his.

since my mobile cam has no flash and not a single lens reflex, and with no wide angle lens, so the pictures we took inside were limited to cave walls and particular stalagtites, not really showing that this a cave. when one looks at the pictures inside the cave, no one would think that we are inside the cave. but hey, my mobile took pictures, joel's not even a single shot.

and the pictures i posted here? the river going to the cave - wow superb! and the walls of the rock formation just near the cave - wow great! (well, well, well, an inset shows stalagtites/stalagmites plus the mouth of the cave leading to the exit. at least i had pictures showing the cave's interior.)

2 birthdays

nag agma gayud ako paglay-out hini using photoshop

it has been 2 birthdays past, and i feel nothing has really changed when in fact everything has
really changed. from my fingernails to the way my tshirts have been folded, nothing really stays the same. my fingernails grow every second, my tshirts are folded not exactly the same as they have been folded beforehand. just like so my birthdays, just like so the celebration of my 2 birthdays past.

the way my birthdays were celebrated is always something unique and has its specialty. all celebrations are a blessing. each celebration is fun. last year was different on its own when i was surprised by more friends coming over to celebrate with me. i prepared a few food for a few people i thought i would celebrate with. but it turned out to be a riot with more people coming and more food was placed on the table to feast on. i was initially hold on by a friend in downtown who accompanied me lazily to buy lomi and bread, so we went home a little late but just on time for others to come to my house to surprise me when i arrived. tho i thought no one was in the house because it was dark, but right then when i opened the door, one little candle was lit, in a cake at that, a scene that had never happened in my entire life. everybody blasted their vocals to pave the way for a very happy birthday singing. and the rest was games and riot and almost an emotional breakdown on my part.

this year's birthday is in contrast, though both share the same feeling of fun. i started my day waking up my niece and nephews early morning to brace the sunrise in the airport. there we had only words to share - our words and God's word, and only the 4 of us to celebrate. afterwhich we went home and shared a breakfast of mango and bread and milk. that day i was scheduled to meet a very dear friend who happened to come home from a far away land, so i had my foot set for a long ride to her hometown. i spent the whole day talking and listening and sharing whatever was within us, and i mean just the two of us. i went home late. and that was how my birthday went.

2 birthdays i have been blessed. that 2 birthdays were never the same. but God was there, God's word was shared, and we prayed. who could have a better birthday than my 2 birthdays past?

faces of sunrise

as captured by my relatively new samsung sgh-x820 (announcement!)

five different faces of sunrise, but sunrise nontheless. each offers a different feeling of awe, of wondering how in the world the sun ever shines so brand new every morning. for the past 2 months, i have been into waiting for the summer sunrise in my surroundings. i saw one in the airport while taking a walk, saw more in magsaysay boulevard while jogging for a cause.

yup, it is still a beautiful world. i am not fazed by the clicking of time and clicking faster to 8 o'clock in the morning when my official time begins. never mind if i am late for work, the sunrise offers better benefits than my work does. to tell the truth, there is really never the same sunrise, so i capture each opportunity of seeing it rising more beautifully each day. my work? it never really shines, and it is always the same.

jollibee revealed

jollibee in tacloban

i got a rare encounter with jollibee one time when i was invited by a friend to photograph the party for his son. i was so amused looking at the lifeless costume, tried it myself, and felt how hot it must have been to be inside this funloving creature from the world of bees.

the encounter gave me a snapshot of a jollibee who was not jolly, to become a jollibee who was really a jolly bee, regardless of how frowning the one inside it must have been. now, this is a revelation. i caught jollibee unguarded, but by the time he was into a character, i lost track of what i saw a minute ago when he was really, well, not jolly. how fun to see him alive and kicking and dancing, minus singing. jollibee doesnt speak. his behindl wagged, and wagged cutifully. he jumped, clapped, and oh always smiling.

i was laughing, and laughing more than the kids were. hahahahaha

san juanico bridge

since i am now back in tacloban, i am now changing my profile picture to something that represents where i am now. san juanico does. this is the landmark of my birthplace, and this is considered to be a product of the fusion of two worlds apart. a labor of love.

constructed in 1970's, the bridge brought beauty and convenience to the sleeping islands of leyte and samar. as seen in the picture, the curving from the viewer's point of view resembles the letter "s" for samar, and thereon goes the letter "L" part for leyte. the bridge is about 2 kms, the longest so far in the philippines. it offers a picturesque view of the islets around and whirpools too. one can jog from leyte to samar in just a minute, and inhale the freshest sea breeze ever. this is just a 10-minute jeepney ride from the commercial capital of the region, tacloban city. one day, i shall build my abode in a place like this, or perhaps in this very place.

seascape

now i will post one more time. i am thinking of putting all 4 pictures together. i realized just now that the new feature of this blog doesnt allow editing of pictures just like in picasso. but this is better still since i don't need to open another window just to post some pictures. maybe i should start mastering adobe photoshop to produce one great layed out picture. by now, let us be content of having 4 pictures posted in limited positions.

just like the sea, layouting for this blog should be like exploring what is at the bottom of it. sometimes you try to create ripples and wonder how its serenity be affected. like this series of pictures.

tried and dipped

(let me see if the layout at this time will suit the layout i have in mind.)

since this is a trial entry, i will have this kind of pictures posted. i called the pix tried and dipped. it is supposed to be in the center, just right after the first line. the second pix below should be after this line, left side.
now this text should be beside this pix. since this pix is for the boys only, that's why i make this as my sample pix for this trial. boys are astig. they dont complain if they find themselves at the wrong side. the girls should come later. the title for the girls will be "to be tried and tested".

now finally, this will be the last line. after i click the period for this sentence, i will click the publish button and see if i am successful in my layout using this new google-way posting feature.

postnote: yup, i have clicked the publish button after the period above. this is just a footnote to discover that captioning the pix is one problem. i'd like to caption with this: cbms bois at macarthur pool, one starry midnight. however i seem not to know how to bring it at the bottom part of the pix that would like it is a caption, and not another paragraph. more to learn.

waterfalls

(i have tried and i have succeeded. posting pictures, that is. hey hey at least i tried! i wil try to find ways to edit the layout next time. it took me sooooo long to have this blog finally blogged again. i have never been busy in all my life, except that the internet connection could almost be all the time a bore. onli in da pilipins.)

it seems that the only thing that keeps me busy these days is to be at any waterfall at any given time. it could be summer as in the latest waterfall escapade in basey, samar, or it could be sometime in june or november, rain or shine. the fun that one derives from exploring the falls lingers upto the next falls visit. and the fun goes on. i have never thought my surroundings could be this beautiful and relaxing.


the sound of smiles of the company i joined with during 2 of these waterfall escapades was too loud to overpower the sound of water cascading from the top. maybe the waterfalls themselves joined us in celebrating the sun and water, the rain and falls. and no, this experience is not false, as one companion had joked, this is true. try dipping, try swimming. and good heavens, how relaxing.

pix posting underconstruction

oh the new blogger.com has this feature of pix upload. hahaha glad to find it after i had my entry of no more picasso. so i am trying it now. however, got a connection problem, so i will try again later. whew! i really can't have it all at one time.

about to blog

i thought of blogging today. i'd like to post a picture. and this is what i got...



the computer i am using doesn't allow downloading for a free software like picasso that supports posting pictures to blogs. and so i got this blank posting.

resurrected?

after a 2-hour-past-midnight talk over a cup of cappuccino at bo's coffee (thanks to my colleague for the invite), i learned that he blogged and still is blogging. hmmmm, does anyone remember i had once blogged too? behold, 4 days after, atibapa is back. back? ok ok ok. the following sometimes hinder me to blog:

1. i don't have internet connection at home (poor me)
2. my blogging interest usually comes at night when i am at home, at a situation where i have no access to the net (too bad)
3. some blogger friends are no longer updating theirs (waned interest)
4. my camera, the only source of my blogging inspiration, has no more rechargeable batteries (all eight are now fully discharged)
5. i have found a new love interest other than the blogspot (joomla, that is)

however after that coffee time, i thought of revisiting this blog, just in case i would feel again the good old days when blogging was a craze (at times upto 3 in the morning, we're still blogging). yeah, i somehow felt like blogging again until i tried to upgrade the template.

my tinkering hands are at work again. i thought of changing the template of this blog to give it a new feel. with lots of choices, i finally found this template tasty and simple. hmmm, i like it. until i realized all my links are gone, my clock is gone too. and to think i remember how painstakingly i had them all linked in this blog since web designing is really alien to me. all the html codes i dont remember. i was not really sure how i did it all before. all i knew was that, i had a friend on the other line while i was copying the codes of another, put them in mine, and edit and edit and edit til it was right.

now... now all of them were gone. resurrected? i am not really sure now.